Mind your P’s and Q’s
what the bible says.
THE POWER OF THE TONGUE
THE POISON OF THE TONGUE
THE PURPOSE OF THE TONGUE
THE PROBLEM & PRODUCE OF THE TONGUE
QUIETENING THE TONGUE
QUICKENING THE TONGUE
THE TONGUE.
James 3:3.
The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue.
It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
OBSCENITY
COARSE JOKING,
CURSING
CRITICISM
JUDGING
GOSSIP/SLANDER
FLATTERY
LYING
Ephesians 4:29.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 5:4.
Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
James 3:9-10.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
Romans 12:14.
Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse.
EVEN PERSECUTION DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CURSE.
1 Peter 3:9.
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing.
1 Peter 2:23.
When they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats.
1 Corinthians 4:12-13.
When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly.
Pray for your enemies (instead of talking about them)
Matt 5:44. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you
“Notice, we never pray for folks we gossip about, and we never gossip about the folk for whom we pray! For prayer is a great deterrent.” - Leonard Ravenhill
Pray for your enemies.
Provers 4:23-24.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Often the damage of gossip
cannot be undone:
“Of all the sins which a
human is capable, none
is so easy to commit
[as back-biting],
none so difficult to repair.”
– Claude de la Colombiere
Trying to squash a rumour
is like trying to unring a bell.
- Shana Alexander
And so the story is told of a young Christian man who was always slandering an older fellow Christian.
GOSSIP DESTRUCTIVE
On hearing that the old man was on his deathbed, he felt remorseful and went to pay him a visit in order to apologise. The old man readily forgave the younger man, but he requested that he grant him a favour.
“Please cut up my feather pillow here, then go to the window and shake all the feathers out into the wind”.
The young fellow thought it was a strange request but gladly obliged.
The old man then requested that he come visit him the following day. When he arrived, the old man said, “I have one last request. Won’t you please go outside and pick up all those feathers and put them back into the pillow-case.”
“But” protested the younger man, “by now the wind has carried them all away.”
“Yes,” said the old man, “it’s easy to scatter the feathers but almost impossible to get them back.”
So it is with gossip; it doesn’t take much to spread hurtful words, but once you do, you can never completely undo the damage.
GOSSIP DESTRUCTIVE
How to counteract gossip:
Gossip requires an audience so don’t listen to it:
Prov 26:20-21
Without wood a fire goes
out; without gossip a
quarrel dies down. As
charcoal to embers and as
wood to fire, so is a
quarrelsome man for
kindling strife.
COUNTERACT GOSSIP
“You cannot stop people’s tongues, and therefore the best thing to do is to stop your own ears and never mind what is spoken.”
- Spurgeon
COUNTERACT GOSSIP
If someone says to you, “Can you keep a secret?” You tell them, “No, I can’t. So don’t tell me!” – Kent Crockett’s Sermon Illustrations.
COUNTERACT GOSSIP
The effects of gossip are immense:
It destroys relationships:
GOSSIP DESTRUCTIVE
Prov 16:28
… a gossip
separates
close friends.
Samson destroyed 1,000 Philistines with the jaw-bone of a donkey.
Some have destroyed almost as many reputations with the same weapon.
See NOTE 2
Gossip Destroys people’s reputations:
Proverbs 11: 9a With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbour…
GOSSIP DESTRUCTIVE
Love your neighbour as yourself
“If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another;
if I can in any way slight another in conversation,
or even in thought, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.” –
(Amy Carmichael – 20th
century missionary to India)
Gal 5:14-15. The entire law is summed up
in a single command: “Love your neighbour
as yourself.” If you keep on biting
and devouring each other, watch out
or you will be destroyed by each other.
COUNTERACT GOSSIP
THE POISON OF CRITICISM
Hurtful
helpful
Gossip is often done secretly.
Whereas criticism can be done openly.
But it is destructive if it is not done in love and to build up.
Ephesians 4:29.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Constructive Criticism.
The phrase “speak the truth in love” comes from Ephesians 4:15.
To understand that verse's context, please read Ephesians 4:11-16.
Speaking the truth in love is speaking that which is doctrinally
correct and that which proceeds from a biblically committed
life to a person who is in need of correction.
BIBLICAL COUNSELING.COM
Constructive Criticism.
We must admit that speaking the truth in love in a post-truth world is at times difficult, even as a child of God. We are often thought of as archaic, judgmental, profiling, and not relevant to society. Too often, we find ourselves speaking lies instead of truth, appealing to people’s emotions rather than their intellect, and being friends of the world
rather than friends of Christ.
BIBLICAL COUNSELING.COM
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Proverbs 27:5-6.NLT.
An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
Biblical requirement for Constructive criticism.
Ephesians 4:2-5
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all,
CORRECT DOCTRINE AND LOVE
You don’t keep unity by compromising doctrine
BIBLICAL REQUIREMENT FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
.Ephesians 4:14-16.
So, Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth
in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love,
CORRECT DOCTRINE AND LOVE, UNDER GUIDANCE OF THE GIFT MINISTRIES.
Biblical requirement for Constructive criticism.
There is a place for criticism and even open rebuke, but it is when something is wrong Biblically and not just about your own personal preferences and the criticism must come from someone who is living a life that is biblically correct.
Matthew 7:3-5.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
THE POISON OF CRITICISM
Proverbs 11:9a With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbour…
HELPFUL
HURTFUL
THE POISON OF CRITICISM
THINK before speaking:
T - Is it true?
H - Is it helpful?
I - Is it inspiring?
N - Is it necessary?
K - Is it kind?
THE POISON OF FLATTERY
Proverbs 19:5.
Those who flatter their neighbours are spreading nets for their feet.
Proverbs 26:28.
A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
Daniel 11:21.
In his place shall stand up a contemptible person, to whom they had not given the honour of the kingdom: but he shall come in time of security and shall obtain the kingdom by flatteries.
Daniel 11:32.
Such as do wickedly against the covenant shall he pervert by flatteries; but the people who know their God shall be strong and do [exploits].
THE POISON OF FLATTERY
Psalms 12:3.(KJV)
The Lord shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaks proud things.
Proverbs28:23.(AMP)
He who [appropriately] reprimands a [wise] man will afterward find more favour Than he who flatters with the tongue.
BEWARE OF FLATTERY
(JENTZEN FRANKLIN DEVOTIONAL)
Man, is tested by the praise he receives.” Proverbs 27:21 NIV
BEWARE OF FLATTERY
The English word flatterer comes from a French term that means “to pat, smooth, or caress.” So, a flatterer is someone who will pat you on the back with one hand, and in some cases, knife you in the back with the other. Flattery is something a person will say to your face but will not say behind your back. It’s insincere praise from an insincere
motive. And the Bible warns us to beware of it:
“A flattering neighbour is up to no good; he’s probably
planning to take advantage of you”
(Pr 29:5 TM). Flatterers will do you no good.
BEWARE OF FLATTERY
In fact, Solomon says that in the long run you’re better off with a person who will criticize you than a person who will flatter you. “He who rebukes a man will find more favour afterward than he who flatters with the tongue” (Pr 28:23 NKJV). When it comes to flattery you should always keep these two things in mind:
1. Give praise sparingly but sincerely, with nothing but the best
in mind for the other person.
2. Receive praise wisely, without taking yourself or the person
giving the praise too seriously.
JENTZEN FRANKLIN
James 2:12-13.
Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who
has not been merciful. Mercy
triumphs over judgment.
ROMANS14:1-4.
1 Welcome those who are weak in faith, but do not argue with them about their personal opinions.
2 Some people's faith allows them to eat anything, but the person who is weak in the faith eats only vegetables.
3 The person who will eat anything is not to despise the one who doesn't; while the one who eats only vegetables is not to pass judgment on the one who will eat anything; for God has accepted that person.
4 Who are you to judge the servants of someone else? It is their own Master who will decide whether they succeed or fail. And they will succeed, because the Lord is able to make them succeed.
5 Some people think that a certain day is more important than other days, while others think that all days are the same. We each should firmly make up our own minds.
Two of the commandments given to Moses were about our speech.
Exodus 20:7.
You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
Exodus 20:16.
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour,
(IN OTHER WORDS, DON’T LIE)
THE FIRST ONE IS USUALY COMMITTED BY THE UNBELIEVER AND IT IS OFFENSIVE TO US AS CHRISTIANS,
BUT MANY PROFESSING CHRISTIANS DOWNPLAY THE SECOND AND LYING IS ALMOST A HABIT.
THE POISON OF LIES
THE POISON OF LIES
MAN IS PRONE TO LYING
Exodus 20:7.
Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies.
If you're wondering how often people lie, it's around zero to two lies per day. That's a lot of lies!
At four years of age, 90% of kids will understand the meaning of lying. According to research, about 60% of people 18 and older are incapable of having a conversation without lying once every ten minutes. On average, three lies are told by adults every ten minutes.
Parents are the primary victims of lying, with 86% of lies being told to them.
Second to parents are friends of individuals, who are lied to 75% of the time.
Siblings are the third most lied to, accounting for 73% of victims.
The fourth most lied to are our spouses, who are victims of lying 69% of the time.
Online, lies are most often seen on dating sites, where 90% of participants engage in untruthfulness. 40% of lies are seen on resumes.
THE POISON OF LIES
Exodus 20:16.
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour.
(in other words, don’t lie)
Proverbs 12:22. The lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.
THE POISON OF LIES
1 Peter 3:10.
For, Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.
John 8:44.
You belong to your father, the devil, and you
want to carry out your father’s desires. He was
a murderer from the beginning, not holding to
the truth, for there is no truth in him.
When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
THE POISON OF LIES
Proverbs 21:6.
A fortune made by a lying tongue
is a fleeting vapour and a deadly snare.
Proverbs 19:5.
A false witness will not go unpunished,
and whoever pours out lies will not go free.
THE POISON OF LIES
Psalm 101:5-7.
Whoever slanders their neighbour in secret, I will put to silence;
whoever has haughty eyes and a proud
heart, I will not tolerate.
My eyes will be on the faithful in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
the one whose walk is blameless will
minister to me.
No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence.
THE POISON OF LIES
Ephesians 4:25.
Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body.
1 John 2:4.
Whoever says, I know him, but does not do what He commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person.
THE POISON OF LIES
Colossians 3:9.
Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.
Revelation 21:8.
but the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and
all liars they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning Sulphur. This is the second death.
Gossip might be factually true but not so with slander, it is usually, hearsay and opinions, have you ever heard or said:
This is just my take on it
It’s just my opinion
I have a suspicion
Perhaps
Probably
It could be
Where there is smoke there’s fire
Slander is a false defamatory statement that is spoken aloud. Libel is a false defamatory statement, but libelous statements are written and disseminated to a third party.
The law of slander comes from ancient times when most information was circulated by word of mouth, and a rumour could change someone’s life. (Imagine the ramifications in medieval society of saying that someone had the plague.) “So a jurisdiction was developed that protected people from words that would have made people be shunned and avoided by others in the community,” Partlet says.
Centuries later, American state laws still recognize the impact of defamation.
It doesn’t matter if a defendant intentionally spreads misinformation or believed the false information was true. Either way, they are liable.
https://law.usnews.com/
FROM A WORLDLY VIEWPOINT: Both refer to how we judge someone and what we say behind their backs. However, 'gossip' is not something serious and it is just spreading some information about someone, but 'slander' is used when someone intentionally wants to ruin another person's reputation.
https://langeek.co/
Worldly viewpoint
the world doesn't see anything wrong with gossip
people have built their careers and even empires out of gossip
“who said what” and “who did what” and it is because fallen mankind has an appetite for gossip otherwise there would be no newspapers magazines and newscasts. the nastier the gossip, the bigger the sales and the ratings.
Ultimately, gossip is just news, and we are all journalists tasked with making our social circles more aware and up to date on current events.
PSALM 15:1-3.
Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
Who may live on your holy mountain?
The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from their heart;
whose tongue utters no slander,
who does no wrong to a neighbour,
and casts no slur on others;